Sanity Savers and More...
September 2005


Thank you for helping to get the word out there about my new book (co-authored with Annie Gilbar), Wedding Sanity Savers.

As summer winds down and the school year begins, you may find you are experiencing more stress. In this edition, I am offering:

  • Sanity Savers for dealing with stress,
  • Tips for knowing when to end a relationship, and
  • Guidelines for new empty nesters sending your kids off to college.

Please pass along this newsletter to your friends, loved ones and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.


In this issue
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    As Seen on the TODAY SHOW
    Be Less STRESSED
  • Happening in September
  • TIPS
    Relationship Deal Breakers
  • Empty Nesters:
    When Your Kids Go Off to College
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    Now in Paperback

  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    As Seen on the TODAY SHOW

    My newest book, co-authored with Annie Gilbar, Wedding Sanity Savers: How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes, and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day is the handbook brides everywhere are reading before they say "I do."

    This is THE GUIDE for the emotional ride through all stages of the wedding process.

    Great for to brides, grooms, parents and future in- laws!

    Be Less STRESSED

    We are all living with more stress today. In this world of high speed technology, too much information and overscheduling, it's easy to get overwhelmed by all the things we have to do in our everyday lives. And for most, stress seems to kick up a notch in September when the lazy days of summer are over and we get back to a faster pace.

    How can we maintain some of the "summer calm" and deal with life's stressors? Here are some Sanity Savers to develop a program to manage your stress and keep balance every day of the year.

    1. Develop an optimistic attitude - View adversity as an opportunity for learning and growth.
    2. Prioritize and do one thing at a time - You don't have to do everything all at once. Taking tiny steps each day can help you reach your goals. Identify time wasters.
    3. Shed the SUPERPERSON image - There's no kryptonite on earth so let go of being superman, superworker, supermom, superwife.
    4. Learn to be satisfied with "less than perfect" - Being perfect is impossible. Be more compassionate with yourself. Learn to quiet self criticism.
    5. Be less critical of others - Be more tolerant, forgiving and patient of others. Listen to their concerns and find ways to compromise.
    6. Learn to say NO!
    7. Let go of things outside of your control - You can't change people and some situations so why even try?
    8. Live healthfully and consciously- Eat well, exercise, get restful sleep, build a spiritual connection. Journaling, imagery and breathing exercises help to gain a sense of balance.
    9. Be with people who are good for you - Spend time with positive people whom you care about and who care about you.
    10. Laugh and play - Take time from work to enjoy life and add humor and creative play to your routine.
    11. Do what you love to do - Find rewarding work, volunteer or pursue a hobby. When a person is involved with what they love, stress is reduced.

    Refill your personal reservoir to balance your life. Draw on your inner strength to become more resilient. This will help you to better handle the stresses in your life.

    You can feel less stressed and increase your self - worth whenever you do new things, stretch your resourcefulness, develop new skills, improve your capabilities, cultivate compassion for others, and contribute to making the world a better place.

    Happening in September

    TODAY Show, NBC (Sept. 7th, 9:00 Hour)
    Topic: Empty Nesters-When Your Kids Go to College

    Beth Israel Hospital, NYC (Sept. 27th, 7- 9:00pm)
    Topic: How Parents Can Maintain A Life in Balance- A Workshop for Parents of Children Who Have Hearing Losses

    92nd Street Y, NYC (Sept. 28th, 8:30pm)
    Topic: Self Image-A Work in Progress
    Click Below to Register

    Relationship Deal Breakers

    Letting Go of a Relationship Isn't Easy
    Every couple experiences differences and has disagreements. When are these differences relationship deal breakers?

    Common Deal Breakers
    The most common deal breakers are abusive behavior, addictions, family issues, deception, children, religion, pre-nuptial agreements, geography and money. But there are other issues which can also be deal breakers and these vary from couple to couple (i.e. smoking, flirting, your partner’s weight, allergies to your partner's pet).

    The Crucial Question: "Am I Trying to CHANGE this Person?"
    Each of us has our own standards of what's acceptable and tolerable. Tolerance is about understanding and accepting differences between you and the other person without attempting to change him or her. Lying may not be a deal breaker if the person who has the problem discovers what are the underlying issues and the couple works together. The person has to want to change for him or herself NOT ONLY for you.

    Other Questions to Ask Yourself:

  • Are you totally PREOCCUPIED with this issue?
  • Are you HOPELESS with regard to creatively solving the problem?
  • Are you overly STRESSED?
  • Do you have PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS that can be related to your stress, i.e. sleep problems, loss of appetite, back problems?
  • Do you believe there is an inability for PERSONAL GROWTH in this relationship?
  • Are you unable to be your TRUE SELF?
  • It May Be Time to Move On
    If you answered YES to some of these questions, try and be honest with yourself that it may be time to consider ending the relationship. However, if the issue does not impinge on your life drastically and threaten you or your sense of yourself then you might consider staying.


  • This is an INDIVIDUAL DECISION. Only you can determine if you can live with this person or not. Listening to opinions from family and friends may be helpful but their values may be different from yours.
  • Consider your level of commitment. Married partners with children may want to put more effort into saving the relationship versus a couple who is dating.
  • Explore creative ways to deal with the situation before making your decision. Can you adjust by setting boundaries or rules? For example, if someone smokes and you cannot tolerate it, you can say, “It would be helpful if you smoke outside and not in the car or the house.”
  • Can you accept this person (with this issue) and let go of complaining and nagging? It is up to you to either accept or adapt to the situation. You do not have the right to diminish or devalue anyone.
  • YOU Have the Right to a Healthy Life
    If you decide to leave the relationship and are sure you are doing this for the RIGHT reasons (your own health and well being or of those close to you), you will also work through lingering guilt. Moving on with a clear mind can lead you to a rewarding relationship in the future.

    Empty Nesters:
    When Your Kids Go Off to College

    As your kids go off to college, are you asking yourself these questions?

    1. Are they really ready to be on their own?
    2. Am I “finished” parenting, when will I see them and how will they be?
    3. Will my child “party” too much?
    4. Is this the right school for my child?
    5. Will my child be safe?

    Click below to read the full article about surviving feelings of empty nesting as the academic year begins.

    I'm OK, You're My Parents
    Now in Paperback

    I'm Ok, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works is now in paperback!

    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and media commentator who appears regularly on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience as a relationship expert, focusing on families, couples, parenting, aging well and stress management.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including Sisters; From the Heart: Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives; Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children; I'm OK, You're My Parents and the soon to be released Wedding Sanity Savers.

    Find out more....
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    Dale's Advice on Weddings at WeddingChannel.com

    Dale's Advice on Healthy Eating & Lifestyle at KathleenDaelemans.com

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