Sanity Savers and More...
November 2005


November often finds us at more social events, particularly Thanksgiving. Interacting with friends and family sometimes gets us thinking about our own aging and the way we respond to others and how they respond to us. That's why this month we're discussing Growing Older with Style and Grace and How to Teach our Kids Manners.

Thank you again for helping to get the word out about my new book (co-authored with Annie Gilbar), Wedding Sanity Savers.

Please pass along this newsletter to your friends, loved ones and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below. And thanks for sending me your thoughts under "What's on Your Mind?" Please keep them coming.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.


In this issue
  • Sanity Savers
    Growing Older with Style & Grace
  • What's On Your Mind?
  • Happening in November
  • TIPS
    Teaching Our Kids Manners
  • A Thought

  • Sanity Savers
    Growing Older with Style & Grace

    No matter what your age, it's a proven fact that we grow older with each passing day. But aging does not have to be a battle to wage. Instead it can be an enriching process that brings us to different phases in our life adding clarity, wisdom and growth.

    People who grow old successfully focus on the GROWING and not on the OLD. They incorporate into their lives what is really important to them such as enjoyable work, meaningful relationships and emotional, physical, and spiritual health and well being.

    Here are some Sanity Savers to help you enhance your life as you focus on growing older with style and grace.

    1. Have a Positive Mental Attitude
    2. - Incorporate a Glass is Half Full perspective every day.
    3. Allocate Your Time Wisely -Time is precious. Make the most of every minute. Change your attitude about stressful or draining situations.
    4. Challenge Yourself
    5. - Find new ways to stimulate your life. Learn a new skill, take an interesting workshop or sign up for those art classes you've always wanted to take.
    6. Think and Act Creatively- There are many solutions to life's challenges. Go outside of the box and look for win-win situations that use your creative talents.
    7. Have passion
    8. - Live life with vigor and zest!
    9. Nurture Relationships
    10. - Life is a series of relationships with yourself and others. Alone time is essential and allows us to self reflect. Time spent with loved ones is best when gratifying and meaningful. You are blessed if you have friends of all ages.
    11. Keep an Interest in the World
    12. - Stay aware of what's going on around you and keep abreast of current events. Knowing that we are all part of a larger whole keeps us involved and interested in living.
    13. Stay Present
    14. - Concentrate on the "now". Worries about the future or regrets from the past are unproductive.
    15. Be grateful
    16. - Find ways to appreciate and give thanks to everything and everyone in your life. Contribute by making the world a better place.
    17. Connect with your Spirituality- Practice prayer, meditation, breathing or visualization to align with your spiritual self.
    18. Live Healthfully - Stay physically active, eat nutritiously and monitor your health (get regular check-ups).

    What's On Your Mind?

    Let's have a "virtual" cup of coffee together.

    I'd like to know your thoughts about what you would like to see in this newsletter. My goal is to bring you interesting Sanity Savers, tips and articles about what's on your mind and what you confront in your daily life.

    If you have suggestions, please click below. Who knows, you might even have a great topic for TV!

    Happening in November

    TODAY Show
    Click to Dr. Dale's website for upcoming TODAY Show appearances.
    Dates and times subject to change.

    Self Image: A Work In Progress
    Thursday, Nov 3rd, 2:15-3:30pm
    92nd St Y MAKOR Center (Steinhardt Building)
    35 West 67th Street, NYC
    Click below to register

    Annual Conference on Prejudice Reduction
    Panelist:"Beyond the Ramp: Issues of Access & Equity"
    Monday, Nov 14th, 10:15-11:45am
    Suffolk Assoc. for Jewish Educational Services
    Huntington Hilton Hotel, Melville, NY
    For information call 631.845.1000

    How to Talk to People When They Are Ill , and
    Visiting Families of Those Who Have Died

    Thursday, November 17th, 9:30am
    "Jack Birmberg Speaks Out" Radio Show
    WVNJ 1160 AM

    Getting Older with Grace and Style and,
    Sanity Savers for Life Transitions: Keeping the Balance
    Friday, Nov 18th and Nov 19th
    Canyon Ranch, Tuscon, Arizona

    Teaching Our Kids Manners

    There Seems to be No Time to be Polite
    In our rushed world, polite behavior is becoming the exception rather than the norm. According to a recent Associated Press-Ipsos Poll, people are more rude today then 20+ years ago. Parents are finding they have less and less time to teach basic character issues to their children and manners are going by the wayside.

    If We Don't Teach our Kids Who Will?
    What we are talking about is respect; for yourself and for the other person. When you treat someone respectfully, you are making a statement about who you are. Nowadays some children seem to lack respect for elders, teachers and parents. Is it the affluence in our society that has produced a world of convenience, entitlement and less social contact? We need to think about our kids' absorption in the world of cell phones, videos, computers and other electronic devices.

    Teaching our Kids to be Polite
    So how can we change this trend and get our kids back on track to being polite and respectful individuals? The answer first lies in ourselves. As parents, adults, mentors and guides we need to model respectful behavior to others and to our children. That may mean turning off your cell phone in a store, saying "thank you" to service providers such as waiters and clerks, and containing "road rage" (comments and gestures) in the car.

    Children Need to be Acknowledged Too
    It also means frequently saying thanks to your children for lending a helping hand at home or for a job well done. When they see you showing mutual respect to them as well as to others, your children will be more likely to behave respectfully and feel valued in the process.

    Here are more TIPS for teaching our kids (and ourselves) manners and (not so) common courtesy:

    • Clean Up After Yourself - Throw away cups and wrappers in movie theatres; toss newspapers in recycle bins at the train station; and pick up after your pet.
    • Public Places Are Not Meant to be Used for Personal Business - Private conversations are just that - private. Find a quiet place to return cell phone calls, text messages and to discipline your children.
    • Respect Elders - Our seniors are a wealth of wisdom from a lifetime of experiences and we are wise to honor their presence.
    • "Yes, Please; No, Thank You" - Mom, dad and our teachers taught us the fundamentals that we should use everyday. Let's acknowledge even the little things that people do.
    • Reach Out to Those in Need - Give help to the ill or distressed. Offer your seat (or the seat filled with your packages) to someone who looks like they could use it.
    • Learn Polite Listening - Listen with attentiveness and don't interrupt. Stop typing, take off headphones, turn off the TV and put down the video game, Blackberry or other PDA device when conversing.
    • Get Social - Interact with people rather than "tuning" out. Play word games instead of watching videos on a long car ride and have family fun.
    • Learn to Greet Others - By saying hello or goodbye when entering/exiting a room or meeting someone, you acknowledge their presence and show that you value them.
    • Return and Send Timely Calls, Emails and Thank You Notes - Sometimes we avoid responding because there's too much effort involved or we don't think it is important. Keep it simple. A short response is better than none at all. Rule of thumb on thank you's: Do not use the gift before the note is in the mail.
    • Wait Your Turn- Yes, we did learn most of these manners in Kindergarten. Holding a door for someone behind you and waiting in line at the movies instead of cutting in are the "basics". Let's pay attention to courteous behavior and make that part of the legacy we give our children.

    A Thought

    By charity, goodness, restraint, and self-control men and woman alike can store up a well-hidden treasure -- a treasure which cannot be given to others and which robbers cannot steal. A wise person should do good -- that is the treasure which will not leave one.

    "Khuddhaka Patha"

    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and media commentator who appears regularly on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience as a relationship expert, focusing on families, couples, parenting, aging well and stress management.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
  • and her lastest book

  • Wedding Sanity Savers
  • Find out more....
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