There is no denying the magnificence of
Spring's arrival. Take a look around and
notice the blossoms, the colors, the scents,
all reminding us of the possibilities in our
own life of the magic of rebirth, growth and
In Spirituality During Illness, I
focus on the practice of spiritual practice
of self-discovery and self-acceptance in the
midst of an illness. By allowing yourself to
be open to this process, illness can be
instrumental in transformation.
In this month's
tips, Discuss for Resolution Instead of
Fighting to Win, I discuss the importance
of couples fighting fair and ways to avoid
the ugly side of arguments so that your
relationship can grow into a wonderful union.
Once again thank you for helping to get the
word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women
to Live a Balanced Life.
Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com
for updates on my appearances related to my
newest book, Sanity
Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced
Life. For those of you with wedding related
questions, please see my column on
WeddingChannel.com at: www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetUID=90252&s=84&t=71&p=106184112&c=90252&l=137006.
And if you
me to speak to your group or organization,
please contact me directly at
email@example.com or contact the
Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.
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Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is in bookstores and
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Spirituality During Illness
In times of illness, particularly a prolonged
illness, people often have a difficult time
adjusting to the significant changes
bring in their lives. Old familiar habits
that shaped the routine of daily life may
become more challenging, adding to the
despair that can accompany any chronic
When we are ill, our energy levels may
noticeably decrease. Yet, in an era when
productivity equates personal worth, we may
feel frustration and disappointment with our
ability to live up to the work ethic of our
earlier lives. We may also compare ourselves
with others and feel guilty when we conclude
we have not accomplished much while dealing
with our illness. This can lead us to
overextend ourselves, possibly inhibiting
our healing process.
It is at these times that we must take the
time to readjust our focus on
we have now become. When you find that you
are comparing yourself to others, or against what
you used to be able to do, stop yourself.
tell yourself that for now, there is a new
standard and you are learning to
will help you to accept where you are now.
could lead you to feel a significant relief
of pressure, and a renewed sense of gratitude
Your spiritual journey during illness can
begin with simply beginning to notice what
feelings come up when you think of not
being able to work or accomplish projects because
of illness. Are you comparing yourself to
others, ill or not? Do you view your personal
worth diminished as a result of these
Illness is about adaptation to change and
acceptance. There is great opportunity for
spiritual growth. When you focus on
and doing what you need to do to find your
spiritual center you will likely develop
resilience and strength that you did not know
TODAY Show (NBC)
Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com,
New York Institute for Psychotherapy
Training in Infancy, Childhood and
May 7th: 7:30PM: Sanity Savers: Tips
for Parents to Live a Balanced Life
55 Central Park West, New York, NY
Harmony with No Limits 3rd Annual Gala
May 10th: 6:00PM: Honoree of Spirit of
Santa Monica, CA
Info at www.harmonywithnolimits.org
UJA Federation of Greenwich Annual Spring
May 14th: 11:00AM: Speaker: Saving Your
Sanity: Reminders for Jewish Women
May 2008 issue: Guest Relationship
A Good Daily Habit
Savoring Something We Take For Granted
It is easy to overlook the common things of
our daily lives, rushing from moment to
moment. Only when one or more of these
common things is no longer in our lives do we
notice their absence, belatedly appreciating
them. We may rush our meals, not taking the
time to enjoy the taste of what we are
eating, or cut short private time with family
and friends, assuming they will be there
Today, slow down one aspect of your daily
activities and savor the experience found in
just one of the many common things you do.
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
Discuss for Resolution:
Instead of Fighting to Win
Relationships should be a safe place.
wants to reveal themselves if they know they
will be hurt or attacked. If you are afraid
of your partner or what he or she will say
then you need to learn conflict resolution
skills. It is important to listen with an
open heart instead of defending yourself, and
to give feedback about what was said to you
before you respond. This way, you MUST listen
to your partner and AVOID focusing on your
response. Give up the need to rebut or offer
a flip retort. While your partner is talking,
listen wholly. When you respond, offer back
what you heard in a kindly manner and then
respond so you are sure you heard what he or
she said both in words and feeling.
Realize that conflict is normal.
strong feelings about some things, and your
partner can't be expected to know what's
really important to you from the day you
meet. Further, the most common issues couples
argue over are money, in-laws, chores,
children, and sex. We all know from
experience that many men and women
communicate in different ways. And what we
learn very quickly when we are in intimate
relationships is that men and women from
different families communicate in even more
varied ways. It is part of the challenge in
relationships to understand HOW and WHY your
partner's style is what it is.
Keep in mind that conflict can be very
productive if it leads to resolution, but
harmful if it leads to continued resentment.
Conflict sometimes lets us know what's really
important to our partners, and hopefully why.
Resolving conflict is one of the ways that
you and your partner reveal your strengths,
weaknesses, and vulnerabilities to each
other. If you fight wisely, you learn to rely
on each others' strengths, compensate for
your weaknesses, and protect your
vulnerabilities. Thus, you can't learn "not
to disagree" since that is impossible. You
can, however, learn how to fight (dare
Here are some suggestions for arguing in
- Think about what you want to say
BEFORE you get into an argument. -
Plan the points that you want to make. Know
what you want to say before you begin so your
thoughts are organized and focus on only one
topic. Don't bring up your laundry list of
grievances; it will only bring your partner's
defensiveness and get you off topic.
- Don't Overwhelm Your Partner -
Try to modulate your voice. Bringing it down
instead of up can have a positive effect both
on the discussion and on the relationship.
You don't have to be overbearing or try to
raise your voice or insult or intimidate your
partner to get the point across. In fact if
you do these things, you are likely to
alienate your partner and move further away
from resolution and intimacy.
- Listen as Much as You Talk - In
an argument, people want to say their peace,
and it's much more difficult to listen to the
other person but just as key for a good
- Walk away When you Feel You are Going
to Lose it - Take responsibility for your
own reaction and suggest that you table the
discussion for 10 minutes or 1 hour or 1 day
so you can gather your wits and think about
what is going on. If you do this you are less
likely to say and do things that you will
regret AND you will be more likely to be
approachable and sensible. Just remember to
tell your partner what is going on (don't
just storm out of the room) and to come back
to the conversation with a fresh eye and ear.
- Seek Professional Help - When it
feels that it's getting beyond the individual
argument and it's affecting your life, your
children's lives, your social life, your work
life, and now, your health, it is important
to consult with a trained counselor.
Before you jump into blaming and judging your
partner, stop and take a moment to breathe.
Ask yourself if making your partner wrong
will drive you further apart or move you
closer toward healing the rift. Open your
understanding the dynamics of what's going on
between the two of you. Understand the full
story before you start making someone wrong.
So often we assume to know what is in
someone's heart and we really don't. Take
the time to find out!
"Let us be grateful to people who make us
happy, for they are the charming gardeners
who make our souls blossom."
Simone De Beauvoir
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works
Now in Paperback!