Sanity SaversTM and More...
August 2008


Modern life is not what it was, and busy lives for many of us can leave us feeling disconnected. For some of us, August is a slow month; for others, the month starts off slowly but kicks into high gear as we edge closer to the end of summer.

In Finding What Works For You I focus on resetting priorities in a way that makes sense to you. Yes, it is important to keep up with those activities that simply must be done. Yet, it is also important to have time for personally healthy and positive things in your life.

In this month's tips, Avoiding Blame in Relationships, I provide two key tips for minimizing the focus on blaming your partner and focus instead on finding solutions, together.

Can you imagine your childhood without your favorite stories? Neither can I. That is why I ask you to donate to Jumpstart's Read for the Record, an early childhood literacy campaign that encourages adults to read the same book on the same day with a child in their life to break a world record. With just a small donation of $10, you will provide a copy of this year's campaign book, Corduroy, to a child in a low income community. Visit www.readfortherecord.org to learn more.

Once again thank you for helping to get the word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life.

Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com for updates on my appearances related to my newest book, Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life. For those of you with wedding related questions, please see my column on WeddingChannel.com at: www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetUID=90252&s=84&t=71&p=106184112&c=90252&l=137006. And if you would like me to speak to your group or organization, please contact me directly at dale@drdaleatkins.com or contact the Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.

I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with your friends, loved ones and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.


In this issue
  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
  • Sanity SaversTM
    Finding What Works For You
  • Happenings
  • Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
  • Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    The Blame Game:
    Tips for Avoiding Blame in Relationships
  • A Thought

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
    SS Book Cover

    SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is in bookstores and is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

    A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!

    Sanity SaversTM
    Finding What Works For You

    We have a lot going in our lives these days. Carving out time to fit in activities we value but never seem to find enough time for can make us feel out of sorts and drained. How do we rejuvenate ourselves when our daily lives are filled with addressing seemingly more pressing matters?

    Before summer ends and schedules go full tilt, try to think about the fall and what it looks like for you. Make a conscious effort to focus on how you want to shape your schedule. Think about what you want to have in your life. This can prevent you being in a situation where you find yourself reacting to all sorts of unplanned or unanticipated events which fill up your calendar.

    Now, in this last month of summer, is a good time to be proactive with works for you and soothes you NOW. Think beyond the old standby solutions. Just because something worked a few years ago it may not work for you now. Be creative. Find new things that contribute to your comfort level.

    It may be appropriate to reset priorities. Focus on relationships to create time and opportunities to be with people you care about.

    Go outdoors. Enjoy your environment. Look at things differently. When you do this, you will be refreshed, rejuvenated and stimulated. Turn off technology for a few hours a day to give yourself more time and energy to absorb that which is around you.

    Whatever the new schedule looks like, the important thing is that it fits your needs.


    TODAY Show (NBC)
    Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for updated listings.

    Bottom Line Personal, Volume 29 Number 15
    August 1, 2008 issue: How to Get Along with People You Don't Like, But Still Need to See
    Page 13

    Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit

    Acknowledge Someone Everyday

    Thank someone for doing something that may or may not be part of their job or role. Notice them. Tell that person's supervisor, send a kind note, or give a flower. Affirmation fuels confidence and self-esteem.

    You can have a strong and positive effect on a person by acknowledging them in a meaningful way every day.

    Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    The Blame Game:
    Tips for Avoiding Blame in Relationships

    The Blame Game, a dangerous game to play in a relationship. Nobody wins and everyone loses.

    BLAME: the definition is to find fault with or to hold responsible. There is always a "subtext" of a desire to punish the person who is the object of the blame. If you are in a relationship with someone, your role is not to punish but to work out a solution. If you are only interested in blaming you are sending out a very clear message that you have little or no interest in solving the conflict between you and that you are totally blameless in the conflict.

    When you blame your partner for something you take the focus off of the issue and put it onto the person, thereby pulling you and your partner further apart. One of you then becomes defensive, and the real issue gets lost in the tussle.

    Following are two tips to help you put the focus on solutions:

    • Commit to Figuring Out What is Really Going On - The real question you want to pay attention to is not who did what but what are we going to do about the issue. If you are into blaming someone you are surely going to prolong the conflict and move further away from a chance to resolve the problem.

    • Ask Rather Than Blame - Your partner will be more likely to want to help solve the conflict if he or she is not feeling pummeled by blame and shamed into feeling awful and diminished. Examine one issue at a time and find a solution that works for each of you while avoiding blaming the other.

      Remember to focus on finding a solution that helps you both take responsibility for SOME of what goes on between you and moving toward the conflict. In doing this, you and your partner can increase the likelihood of creating a way of working through conflict.

    A Thought

    "Change your thoughts and change your world."

    Norman Vincent Peale

    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and commentator in the media who appears on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience and focuses on living a balanced life, parenting, aging well, managing stress, life & work transitions, family connections and healthy relationships.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that Works
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day.
  • And her new book . . .

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • .

    Find out more....
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