This January marks the fourth anniversary
that I have been writing the Sanity Savers
and More Newsletter and thanks to you,
there are many more people receiving it who
are asking me to address specific topics. As
we celebrate the beginning of 2009 we must
make every effort to look to a future infused
During the holidays we may have been with
family or friends and saw things about their
lives that disturbed us. In Meddling in
Other People's Lives I ask you to think
about the value and potential consequences
(both positive and negative) of involving
yourself in another person's life.
During stressful times, many people notice
they cannot recall basic facts such as names
of good friends, the titles of books they
just read or movies they saw, items to buy at
the grocery store, or where they left their
glasses or keys. In Stressful Times:
Keeping Your Memory Sharp, I offer
for doing just that!
As you may know, Jumpstart is a national
early education nonprofit organization that
pairs caring adults with underserved
preschoolers in year long one-to-one
mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org
to learn more about Jumpstart.
Once again thank you for helping to get the
word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for
Women to Live a Balanced Life.
Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.
updates on my appearances related to my
newest book, Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to
Live a Balanced Life. For those of you with
wedding related questions, please see my
column on WeddingChannel.com at:
And if you would like me to speak to your
group or organization, please contact me
directly at firstname.lastname@example.org or contact
the Speakers' Bureau at
I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with
your friends, loved ones and colleagues by
clicking Send to a Friend button
Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is in bookstores and
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Meddling in Other People's Lives
You may or may be someone who wants to or
feels you should get involved in someone
else's business. Some people want to get
involved and others really shy away. In fact,
sometimes, becoming involved can cause
resentment and may possibly push the person
to behave badly, out of spite.
Before you do anything, consider the
relationship you have with this person. Is
he or she family, a close friend, and
acquaintance, colleague, someone whom you
know from the community? Consider the
personalities that are involved as well and
that what may be helpful to one person
could, indeed, be painful or useless to
Next, ask yourself three questions: 1) Are you
getting involved for them, or for yourself?
2) Is the person in question happy, even though
what they are doing would not make you happy?
And, 3) Will getting involved put your
relationship with that person at risk? If
so, decide whether that is a risk you are
willing to take.
There are plenty of examples in which the
risk of getting involved is appropriate:
interventions for drugs, alcohol, and
gambling. If your involvement will hurt the
person you care about, think and re-think
becoming involved. Most applications require
an application of the "zipped lip."
As you re-examine your potential
and advice, assess if the disclosed pain is
something you want to be associated with
forever. For example, most often, if you are
comment about couple relationship issues, the
warring couple makes peace and both shoot the
messenger (that would be you). When focusing
on parents and adult children, realize that
at some point these ARE adult children and
discussion should be just that, discussion
Additionally, when you get involved (give
you need to know when to stop.
opinion does not require that the other
person take your advice. If you have made
your point and you were heard, but the person
is still doing what they were doing (and they
are not putting themselves or others in
danger), move on. Hearing you does not mean
they have to agree with you. If they are
putting themselves or others in danger, then
you may have to intervene, sometimes
anonymously, as in the case of reporting
child or spousal abuse.
Many people do not think clearly about what
and how they say what and they want to
say. It is important to think about how you
frame your comments. Be careful about not
blurting out your comments in a fight.
Instead, plan a time for private discussion.
Try to express clear points based on your
real observations and thoughts, not, in the
case of your daughter's boyfriend, "I just
don't like him."
When you get into someone else's business you
should not have any expectations of the other
person's reactions. If you feel it is
serious enough (danger, health, potential
emotional hurt) then whatever the person's
reaction is should be taken in stride. This
is about them, not you.
Before you get involved, remember to take a
deep breath and think about why you are doing
it. If you are truly concerned and there is
real risk to the person, okay. If it is
because you think you know best and must
present your own opinion without any concept
of limits, think again.
Think before you act.
A Good Daily Habit
Visualize As You Embrace Change
Some people like change. Others don't. Or
you may like some change but not a lot.
Everyone is different and everyone handles
changes in their lives differently. But one
thing you can bet on will be a constant in
your life is change.
A change in life circumstances, whether
positive or negative, is something that
initially knocks you a bit off-balance as you
wonder how you are going to adjust. When
something comes your way that you didn't
foresee, get back on track and save your
Practice visualization daily as a way to help
you adjust to and embrace change. Breathe
deeply as you quietly create a comforting
mental image. Although it's been around for
ages, visualization is a powerful and
effective way to face your fears and become
balanced. By calmly visualizing yourself
handling change, you will likely succeed.
Remember the three Bs when you face
challenges brought on by changes: Breathe,
Become balanced, and Bounce back.
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
Tips For Keeping Your Memory Sharp
A sure sign of stress (and sleep deprivation)
is memory loss. All of us, at some time or
another, find ourselves shocked, dismayed and
frustrated when we walk into a room and blank
on why we came in there in the first place.
Or wonder exactly where DID I put my keys?
Or, as we fill with panic, cannot recall the
name of the person walking toward us with a
Getting upset with ourselves makes the
situation worse. Why? Because in addition to
the stress, we pile on criticism and
diminishing comments directed to ourselves
that make us even more stressed. Rather than
make ourselves crazy, the best prescription
for keeping your memory sharp is to reduce
and manage stress at every opportunity.
Engage in deep breathing and relaxation rather
than chastising yourself. You will be more
likely to remember that which you forgot if
you don't beat yourself up. Give yourself
"space" to remember.
Here are some additional tips for keeping your
- Reinforce - When you are learning
something new (being introduced to someone,
for example) pay close attention and repeat
aloud what it is you are trying to remember.
Reinforce through multiple pathways
(auditory, visual, etc.). If you used to be
a whiz with names, play an association game
and work hard to put the new information into
- Visualize - Visualize an image
that relates to what you are trying to
remember. Focus on what you are trying to
remember and keep the distractions to a
- Slow Down - Rushing often takes
our focus away from where it should be and
makes it nearly impossible to remember that
which we try to recall.
- Minimize Interruptions - How often
are you in the middle of a thought or action,
remember something that you want to do or
say, return to your original activity and
when finished, you have forgotten what you
wanted to do next? Too many interruptions,
distractions or interferences can work
against trying to keep your memory sharp.
- Exercise - No matter what age you
are, be sure to include aerobic exercise into
your life routine. To maintain good brain
function during your life, it appears that
aerobic exercise and sleep seem to keep
memory skills sharp.
- Write - Write down what you need
or want to remember. Read your notes and
pride yourself on your ability to remember
where you put the note pad!
Appreciate that as we age, we learn and
retain new information slower. This does not
mean we cannot learn. It means we learn a
little slower than we used to. But we MUST
keep learning and keeping our brains active.
Change your thoughts and change your world.
Norman Vincent Peale
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works
Now in Paperback!