Sanity SaversTM and More...
June 2010


In Adult Bullies, I discuss what is underneath some of the "bully motivation" and how to handle it when someone bullies you.

In Celebrate Life, I offer tips to look at life a little differently to appreciate the gifts that surround us all.

WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY CRISIS IN THIS COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national early education nonprofit organization that pairs caring adults with underserved preschoolers in year long one-to-one mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org to learn more about Jumpstart, initiatives - such as Playdate With A Purpose, Read for the Record, and events like Scribbles to Novels. If you would like to make a contribution, you may do so at www.jstart.org/donate.

Once again thank you for continuing to read and talk about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life.

Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com for updates on my appearances. For wedding-related questions, please click on the link for the Wedding Channel on the side bar of this newsletter. And if you would like me to speak to your group or organization, please contact me directly at dale@drdaleatkins.com or contact the Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.

I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with your friends, loved ones, and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.


In this issue
  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
  • Sanity SaversTM
    Adult Bullies
  • Happenings
  • Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
  • Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    Tips For Celebrating Life
  • A Thought

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
    SS Book Cover

    SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is in bookstores and is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

    A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!

    Sanity SaversTM
    Adult Bullies

    When we think of bullies, we often think of child bullies. We assume that as kids grow up, they grow out of behaving in such disrespectful ways. Unfortunately, many people do not grow out of it and adult bullies exist.

    Adult bullies generally have an attitude and belief that they are "entitled" (worth more than someone else) and therefore deserve to be treated differently than the rest of the world. People who feel entitled will bully, intimidate, shame, and humiliate others to get their needs met. Often these people change facts and information to benefit themselves and their usual mode of communication is by commanding others.

    Many bullies, at their very core, feel inadequate, insecure, and inferior. Often they have been treated badly and are fearful of others so they puff themselves up and bully through a situation. By making others feel bad they feel better.

    If you are bullied, it is important to realize that it is not your fault. Everyone, INCLUDING BULLIES, is responsible for how they treat others.

    When bullied, resist the temptation to reply in a nasty way. This is challenging but remember that bullies seek a reaction from their victims. Reacting nastily will likely encourage and possibly worsen their unwanted behavior.

    Try "killing them with kindness." Often what inspires a bully to be mean is an assumption that their target is threatening in some way. By demonstrating that you don't intend harm and are willing to be friendly, you may be able to encourage a more positive response. However, if after several attempts to be kind there is no change, shift your approach. You certainly don't want to reward obnoxious behavior.

    Try responding assertively. Self-assured body language (i.e., looking the person directly in the eye; standing erect and "grounded") using a clear and firm tone of voice, and using strong words are often effective in combating the bullying behavior if done in the early on.

    If all else fails, consider enlisting someone's help or, simply, walking away. When dealing with a person who has some power over you, be cautious. Sometimes you may not have a choice but to appear to go along with their demands as you build strength, connections, or power in anticipation of turning the tables.


    TODAY Show (NBC)

    Please check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for the most current updates.

    WKTU-FM Radio Interview on KTU Cares
    May 16th: 9-9:30AM: Jumpstart's Playdate with a Purpose and the Issue of Early Childhood Literacy.
    KTU airs on Sunday mornings and focuses specifically on issues impacting the NY community. Available on www.KTU.com for more details.

    Read Dr. Atkins' and Rabbi Edythe Mencher's interview about inheritance in Reform Judaism Magazine,
    Summer 2010 Issue: When Scott Got More Than Sue.
    Online at www.reformjudaismmag.com.

    Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Therapeutic Issues with Recipients of Cochlear Implants," in the new text, Psychotherapy With Deaf Clients From Diverse Groups, Second Edition.
    Edited by Irene Leigh, and published by Gallaudet University Press.

    Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Family Involvement and Counseling in Serving Children Who Possess Impaired Hearing," in the new text, Introduction to Aural Rehabilitation.
    Edited by Raymond H. Hull, and published by Plural Publishing.

    See Making the Case for Family Dinners, at iVillage.com: http://www.ivillage.com/making-case- family-dinner/3-a-62563

    Also see Googling Patients: Should Psychiatrists Research Cases Online? at http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/04/18/googling-patients-should-psychiatrists-research-cases-online/

    Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit

    Spontaneous Kindness

    Leaving enough money in the vending machine for the next person to get a free treat, putting a flower in a neighbor's mail box, or picking up litter are simple ways to spread kindness spontaneously.

    You may wonder, "Why bother? Isn't it enough to be kind to family members, friends and co-workers?"

    Simple acts of kindness are demonstrations of the generosity of your spirit, done to put a smile on someone else's face. Even when done anonymously, you will reap benefits in terms of joy and purpose.

    Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    Tips For Celebrating Life

    Spring is moving into summer and for many that means an opportunity to celebrate the joys of life by visiting loved ones, relaxing on holiday, cutting back a stressful schedule and taking some moments to "smell the roses." So why is it so difficult for many of us to sit quietly, relax, and just be? Unless we are busy, moving, and engaged in a "project" we do not feel worthwhile.

    When we think about celebrating life we can become conscious of appreciating that which we have in our lives. We can do this by making an effort to be aware of :

    The Health We Have - instead of the illness that is draining or diminishing.

    The Relationships That Are Solid and Pleasurable - rather than those that fill us with distress and disappointment.

    The Abilities We Have and That Serve Us Well - instead of areas that are failing.

    The Joy That Comes From Laughter - so that we can laugh heartily and often.

    Being Present and in Each Moment - to keep a handle on tendencies to worry about the past or future.

    Allowing Your Senses To Guide You, Uncritically, Into Heightened Awareness - instead of denying or judging that which you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel.

    A Thought

    "Crisis becomes the call from the higher self to meet the unlived life, to resurrect those dormant powers that yearn to live."

    B.W. McLeod

    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and commentator in the media who appears on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience and focuses on living a balanced life, parenting, aging well, managing stress, life & work transitions, family connections and healthy relationships.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that Works
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day.
  • And her newest book . . .

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • .

    Find out more....
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