In Standing on Ceremony,
I ask you to think about the value of "keeping the score" and allowing yourself to let go of standing on ceremony as a way of connecting during the holidays.
In No Time for Friends, I offer suggestions for handling times that you are unable to be in touch with your friends in the way you would like.
WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY
CRISIS IN THIS
COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national
early education nonprofit organization that
pairs caring adults with underserved
preschoolers in year long one-to-one
mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org
to learn more about Jumpstart,
initiatives - such as Playdate With A
Purpose, Read for the Record, and
events like Scribbles to
Novels. If you would like to make a
you may do so at
Why not join us in our online book drive campaign? Click on www.readfortherecord.org/goto/dalebookdrive for further details.
There is something that every single one of us can do to help those less fortunate. Over one million children live below the poverty level in the U.S. This shameful situation must change. Each of us has a responsibility to repair our world.
Once again thank you for continuing to read
and talk about Sanity Savers: Tips for
Women to Live a Balanced Life.
Check my website,
updates on my appearances. For
wedding-related questions, please click on
the link for the Wedding Channel on the side
bar of this newsletter. And if you would
like me to speak to your group or
organization, please contact me directly at
the Speakers' Bureau at
Finally, please check Marlo Thomas's new website, www.marlothomas.com, where I discuss psychology and relationship issues.
I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with
your friends, loved ones, and colleagues by
clicking Send to a Friend button
Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is in bookstores and
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Standing on Ceremony
Think for a moment about how many occasions have been spoiled or opportunities lost because of someone's need to "stand on ceremony."
"He should have called me." "I am tired of reaching out. It is her turn."
Often we judge others based on "rules" that just do not apply in specific situations. We don't always know what someone is dealing with, what hurts their heart, or takes their time. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt can be a most important gift. Too often, our egos and sense of importance get caught up in social interactions that invariably contribute to familial misunderstandings and rifts. Other family members find themselves in difficult positions, concerned that others expect them to "take sides" which can create even deeper family fissures than were originally present.
Holiday time is ripe for these sorts engagements. Rather than thinking of the people you would like to reach out to for holiday greetings, many of us create a mental list of those who have not reached out to us. Our internal dialogue goes something like this, "I am not calling them. With all that I do for them, the least they can do is call to say happy holidays."
This may, in fact, be true. However, have you considered that perhaps one of the reasons you do so much for them is because they are overwhelmed? It would be wonderful if they would extend themselves but maybe they just can't at this time. Yes, feelings get hurt and chasms form.
This holiday, try to reach out and offer an open heart as you wish friends and family a healthy and happy holiday. If they say, I was thinking of you, smile and say you are glad to know you were on their mind. Give your best self. That will never hurt you but if you hold onto resentment and blame, making mental lists of who does not make the grade, it will.
Consider carefully. Ceremony is a weak foundation on which to stand.
TODAY Show (NBC)
Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for latest updates, including changes of time.
Read Dr. Atkins' interview in Bottom Line/Personal,
November 2010 Issue: Getting Along with People Over the Holidays.
The M Word
October 16th: 10:30PM: The Coming Home: The New Challenge of the Boomers.
WGTH.com, Darby and Friends
August 19th: 5PM: The Value, Training, and Work of "Therapy Dogs," with Margarita Alban.
WKTU-FM Radio Interview on KTU Cares
May 16th: 9-9:30AM: Jumpstart's Playdate
with a Purpose and the Issue of Early
KTU airs on Sunday mornings and focuses
specifically on issues impacting the NY
community. Available on http://www.ktu.com/pages/events/community.html
Read Dr. Atkins' And Edythe Mencher's article in Reform
Fall 2010 Issue: Living With Secrets.
Online at www.reformjudaismmag.com.
Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Therapeutic
Issues with Recipients of Cochlear Implants,"
in the new text, Psychotherapy With Deaf
Clients From Diverse Groups, Second Edition.
Edited by Irene Leigh, and published by
Gallaudet University Press.
Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Family
Involvement and Counseling in Serving
Children Who Possess Impaired Hearing,"
in the new text, Introduction
to Aural Rehabilitation.
Edited by Raymond H. Hull, and published by
See Making the Case for Family
Dinners, at iVillage.com: http://www.ivillage.com/making-case-
See Dr. Atkins on http://www.workherway.com/02-stayinthegame/bullying-adults/#comments.
Also see Googling Patients: Should
Psychiatrists Research Cases Online? at http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/04/18/googling-patients-should-psychiatrists-research-cases-online/
A Good Daily Habit
Protect Your Skin.
Sunny days are irresistible. People flock outdoors when the sun is out to take advantage of the rays. However, the sun has harmful ultraviolet (UV) rays that can cause wrinkles, dryness, and age spots. Overexposure can cause sunburn, skin texture changes, dilated blood vessels, and skin cancers.
Our skin starts to age as soon as we are born, and the best way to protect it and look younger is to stay out of the sun. Avoiding the sun is not always ideal or practical, though; it is important to have some sun exposure to get the Vitamin D we need. To reduce the risk of sunburn and skin damage, always wear sunscreen with SPF 15 or higher. Find an organic sunscreen since the others may have dangerous chemicals. Wear a hat with a brim and other protective clothing. Lastly, try to avoid sun exposure between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m.
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
No Time for Friends
You're buried under so much work and responsibility that you have not connected with your friends. When you let too much time pass without responding to their social entreaties and invitations, you can dig yourself further into holes of unresponsiveness. Eventually you may find yourself feeling everything from guilt to inertia, even resentment, especially when your friends are persistent.
There are ways to maintain and nurture your friendships even when your time is limited to "be there" in the way you would like.
Consider these tips:
Be Honest - Communicate your situation. Your true friends will understand, even if they are disappointed or upset. They are entitled to their feelings. Return calls or emails to let them know you have not fallen off the face of the earth and that you, too, miss them. Everyone's life gets busy so inform them of your inability to be available in the way you would like at this time. If possible, make a date to see them in the future and mark it in your calendar. Make every effort to honor it.
Group and Conquer - If three or four of your friends are acquainted with one another, suggest that you all meet for dinner. Or plan on casually entertaining the entire group. You don't have a lot of time, but you just might have enough for one relaxing, fun night out with them.
Brief Encounters Can Be Satisfying - Strive to steal a little time back for yourself out of your busy workday. Arrange to meet friends for brief shared breakfasts, lunches, or cocktails. Or arrange to walk together in the early morning. Sometimes spending a catch-up hour with each other is the "touch base" that gets you through the day.
Friendships work best when people are sincere, flexible, concerned, forgiving, non-judgmental, and grateful.
"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down."
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works
Now in Paperback!