Sanity SaversTM and More...
February 2011


In When Nobody is Good Enough , I discuss the benefit of forgiving yourself and refocusing on the good things in your life.

In When You Notice That A Friend Has Memory Loss, I offer tips to aid you in being a supportive, present, and non-judgmental friend.

WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY CRISIS IN THIS COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national early education nonprofit organization that pairs caring adults with underserved preschoolers in year long one-to-one mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org to learn more about Jumpstart, initiatives - such as Playdate With A Purpose, Read for the Record, and events like Scribbles to Novels. If you would like to make a contribution, you may do so at www.jstart.org/donate.

There is something that every single one of us can do to help those less fortunate. Over one million children live below the poverty level in the U.S. This shameful situation must change. Each of us has a responsibility to repair our world.

Please see Marlo Thomas' new website, www.marlothomas.com, where I discuss psychology and relationship issues. Marlo Thomas and I talk about families and the holidays. Tune in for some sanity saving ideas for YOUR holiday season.

Once again thank you for continuing to read and talk about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life.

Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com for updates on my appearances and use the Quick Links sidebar to access ongoing articles. I am available to speak to your group or organization. Please contact me directly at dale@drdaleatkins.com or contact the Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.

I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with your friends, loved ones, and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.


In this issue
  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • Sanity SaversTM
    When Nobody Is Good Enough
  • Happenings
  • Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
  • Sanity SaversTM TIPS

    When You Notice That A Friend Has Memory Loss
  • A Thought

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    SS Book Cover

    SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

    A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!

    Sanity SaversTM
    When Nobody Is Good Enough
    irish coast

    "Nobody is good enough." Whether you say these words or just think them, the feeling that often accompanies that thought is loneliness. When you criticize everyone, keep score of their "transgressions," and are unwilling to forgive people in your life (especially when they do things that most people do from time to time), you may find yourself feeling lonely, isolated, angry, disappointed, and without friends. You need to consider what it is you are "putting out there."

    Reaching out to people, being interested in their lives and what is important to them along with sending a message that you will meet them at least half way sends a message that you are open. Think about whether you may not be willing to forgive people because you have not forgiven yourself for something specific or, in general, for not being perfect. Perhaps you are afraid or assume that people in your life will dismiss or judge you for no longer being what or who you "used to be" either because you hold a different professional position, suffered financial reversals, your marital status has changed, your child is in trouble, or you became ill. Believing you will not be accepted is often a reflection of your not accepting yourself and the changes that you experienced. When this occurs, it can confuse others and contribute to making yourself feel diminished.

    If you feel this way, it is difficult to focus on the positive things and people in your life. If you refuse to pay attention to the good things you have in your life, insisting on focusing on that which is not going well, the world will begin to take on the dark and distant hue of a very unwelcoming place. What I am talking about is more than optimism. It is about looking inside, taking time to examine where these feelings of insecurity come from, and how and why you lash out to or blame others for your unhappiness. In fact, you may be punishing yourself by pushing away those people who are close to you and whose desire is to include you in their lives and help to make your life easier.


    TODAY Show (NBC)
    Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for latest updates, including changes of time.

    Visit Marlo Thomas' site to access my relationship column and Mondays with Marlo video stream. http://marlothomas.aol.com/search/?q=dale+atkins

    M.R. Beal & Company, Champagne Breakfast
    Feb. 14th: 8AM: Featured Speaker: Valentine's Day Celebration of Balance in Life, Body, and Spirit
    Mandarin Oriental Hotel, 80 Columbus Circle at 60th St., NY, NY

    Read Dr. Atkins' And Edythe Mencher's article in Reform Judaism Magazine,
    Winter 2010 Issue, Cover Story: Behind Bullying, and When Jack Pushed Jill Down the Hill.
    Online at www.reformjudaismmag.com.

    Read Dr. Atkins' article on Grandparenting in the current issue of Now.

    Read what Dr. Atkins has to day about about how to improve your relationships with your loved ones on brightsmilebeautifulyou.com

    Read Dr. Atkins' interview in Bottom Line/Personal,
    November 2010 Issue: Getting Along with People Over the Holidays.

    The M Word
    October 16th: 10:30PM: The Coming Home: The New Challenge of the Boomers.

    Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Therapeutic Issues with Recipients of Cochlear Implants," in the new text, Psychotherapy With Deaf Clients From Diverse Groups, Second Edition.
    Edited by Irene Leigh, and published by Gallaudet University Press.

    Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Family Involvement and Counseling in Serving Children Who Possess Impaired Hearing," in the new text, Introduction to Aural Rehabilitation.
    Edited by Raymond H. Hull, and published by Plural Publishing.

    See Making the Case for Family Dinners, at iVillage.com: http://www.ivillage.com/making-case- family-dinner/3-a-62563

    See Dr. Atkins on http://www.workherway.com/02-stayinthegame/bullying-adults/#comments.

    Also see Googling Patients: Should Psychiatrists Research Cases Online? at http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/04/18/googling-patients-should-psychiatrists-research-cases-online/

    Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
    Japanese crane

    Awaken To The Ordinary Beauty Around Us

    Our lives are hectic, filled with demands and responsibilities. Sometimes we get caught up in the next task, missing the golden moment that is happening right now. When we decide to take the time to slow down and notice our surroundings, we will always find something to appreciate. This, in turn, can give us a new way of looking at the hectic, the demanding, and what appears to be a list of never ending responsibilities.

    Our spiritual development is nurtured by our senses. When we awaken to the ordinary beauty in our everyday lives, we encourage growth and love in our most important relationships.

    Quiet yourself for a moment and allow yourself to focus on something you appreciate.

    Sanity SaversTM TIPS

    When You Notice That A Friend Has Memory Loss
    Huge maple tree

    It can be extremely challenging when you realize that a good friend experiences memory loss. Yet it is essential to remain connected and maintain social contact because people who don't have social contact with family and friends are at higher risk for memory problems than people who have strong social ties.

    At this time, perhaps more than ever before, you need to be a supportive, present, non-judgmental friend. Take good care of yourself AND allow yourself to appreciate the changes in your friend. Hang on to what you have with this person and focus on that which still exists instead of that which is lost. Help him or her to feel secure and safe. In your actions and in your conversation, be conscious of preserving their dignity and respect. Be present.

    Here are a few tips to get you started:

    Social Interaction - Encourage your friend to join a book club with you. Or, if you have known one another for a long time, initiate the reconnection with other old friends, Being with other people in meaningful ways helps keep them connected and "sharp"!

    Do Things That You Have Enjoyed and Continue to Enjoy - This helps your friend know that they and their presence are valuable to you and that there are things you do that are uniquely yours. Remind them (and yourself) of the good times and fun you have had and continue to have. So walk in the woods, go to a dance class, or watch a movie. Slow the pace if you need to maximize the chance to process and enjoy what you do together.

    Incorporate Music - Most people who have memory issues retain their appreciation and love of music for a VERY long time and can get great joy from listening to and singing songs they enjoyed throughout their lifetime. Join with them and encourage them to attend musical performances, and listen to music from when they were younger, and relate stories about concerts or musicians they enjoyed.

    Engage With Your Friend Through Exercise - Take a walk, a hike, a bike ride, go to the gym, swim, or do something physically active because regular exercise gets more oxygen to the brain. (It also reduces the risk for disorders that lead to memory loss, such as diabetes and cardiovascular disease.) Try a new type of exercise. If your friend is used to the same old "dance" sign up for a Zumba class with a hot Latin rhythm. Be aware that there is much talk about exercise enhancing helpful brain chemicals that protect brain cells, so keep moving together.

    Eat Right - If you go out to eat or prepare a meal together be sure you are having plenty of fresh (and hopefully local and organic) fruits and vegetables, whole grains and "healthy" fats because antioxidants keep the brain cells "working," and B vitamins protect and help reduce risk of cardiovascular diseases. Avoiding saturated fats and trans fats help lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of stroke.

    Help Your Friend to Structure Their Environment - Don't come in like gangbusters but gently encourage them to use calendars and clocks, lists and notes. Write down daily activities on a planner or use an electric organizer. Suggest that they keep easy-to-lose items in the same place each time after using them. Propose that they park their car in the same place at the office or the parking lot at the gym or library or market each day.

    A Thought

    "It takes time to practice generosity, but being generous is the best use of our time."

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and commentator in the media who appears on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience and focuses on living a balanced life, parenting, aging well, managing stress, life & work transitions, family connections and healthy relationships.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that Works
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day.
  • And her newest book . . .

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • .

    Find out more....
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