Sanity SaversTM and More...
August 2011


In the Differences of Opinion with a Loved One I discuss putting your own agenda aside so you can hear your partner's perspective.

In Giving Support When a Friend or Partner Does Something "Stupid" I ask you to consider the value of being supportive as opposed to being critical when someone you care about is already feeling badly about something they did.

WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY CRISIS IN THIS COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national early education nonprofit organization that pairs well-trained, caring adults with underserved preschoolers who live in poverty in year long mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org to learn more about Jumpstart, initiatives - such as Scribbles to Novels; Playdate With A Purpose; and Read for the Record, where I will be the spokesperson on NBC's Today Show on October 6, 2011. Please contribute by clicking on www.jstart.org/donate.

There is something that every single one of us can do to help those less fortunate. Over one million children live below the poverty level in the U.S. This shameful situation must change. Each of us has a responsibility to repair our world.

Please see Marlo Thomas' new website, www.marlothomas.com, where I discuss psychology and relationship issues. Marlo Thomas and I talk about families and the holidays. Tune in for some sanity saving ideas for YOUR family gatherings.

Once again thank you for continuing to read and talk about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life.

Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com for updates on my appearances and use the Quick Links sidebar to access ongoing articles. I am available to speak to your group or organization. Please contact me directly at dale@drdaleatkins.com or contact the Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.

I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with your friends, loved ones, and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.


In this issue
  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • Sanity SaversTM
    Differences of Opinion with a Loved One
  • Happenings
  • Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
  • Sanity SaversTM TIPS

    Giving Support When a Friend or Partner Does Something "Stupid"
  • A Thought

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    SS Book Cover

    SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

    A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!

    Sanity SaversTM
    Differences of Opinion with a Loved One

    Few people are whom we would like them to be. If we could all create the personalities that would go smoothly with our own we might have an easier time, in the day to day. But would we be content?

    Life may be less volatile and with fewer conflicts, and that could be good for one's blood pressure, but is it better for one's overall health? In some situations, definitely yes. In others, well, perhaps learning to listen empathetically, letting go of a need to control, manipulate, or influence toward a particular outcome, is a better route so that two people who don't agree can still live together respectfully and share their independent views.

    If these people were exactly as we wish they would be, for certain, we would miss the opportunity to see the world through the eyes of someone we care about. But generally, we are not interested in seeing the world through their eyes. We want them the see the world through our eyes, and not make trouble. We want them to just go along without challenging us.

    Boring, yes. Unexciting, yes. Less stressful? Perhaps. Living with and / or loving someone whose view of the world or other people is so different from your own can be a significant challenge. A sense of humor helps. Avoiding topics that are mine fields helps sometimes but then, over time, there amass a significant number of topics to avoid and one's conversations become dialogues on a series of edited, pre-scripted, safe topics.

    Instead of providing comfort or a safe haven for one another, expressing an opinion about politics, children, grandchildren, in-laws, is a call to arms (and not the hugging kind). One partner sees his or her role as convincing the other to change their opinion about the issue or person rather than just allowing their partner to vent, express disappointment, anger, hurt, or whatever feeling they have. For the partner, it is just too painful to see the person they care about moving in a direction of separating themselves from a family member.

    Be open to the endless possibilities for growth and appreciation.


    TODAY Show (NBC)
    Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for latest updates, including changes of time.

    Visit Marlo Thomas' site to access my relationship column and Mondays with Marlo video stream. http://marlothomas.aol.com/search/?q=dale+atkins

    Darby and Friends
    Archived from April 1st: Talking About Difficult Things

    Read Dr. Atkins' article about charitable children, at www.jccgreenwich.org/index.php?option=com_myblog&Itemid=91.

    Read Dr. Atkins' thoughts on baby name issues at: http://www.babycenter.com/0_i-regret-the-name-i-gave-my-child_10346611.bc,>
    and: http//www.babycenter.com/0_someone-stole-my-baby-name_10346610.bc,
    and: http://www.babycenter.com/0_people-hate-my-babys-name_10346609.bc.

    Read Dr. Atkins' And Edythe Mencher's article in Reform Judaism Magazine,
    Winter 2010 Issue, Cover Story: Behind Bullying, and When Jack Pushed Jill Down the Hill.
    Online at www.reformjudaismmag.com.

    Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Therapeutic Issues with Recipients of Cochlear Implants," in the new text, Psychotherapy With Deaf Clients From Diverse Groups, Second Edition.
    Edited by Irene Leigh, and published by Gallaudet University Press.

    Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Family Involvement and Counseling in Serving Children Who Possess Impaired Hearing," in the new text, Introduction to Aural Rehabilitation.
    Edited by Raymond H. Hull, and published by Plural Publishing.

    I invite you to visit my website to access archives of articles and interviews on line.

    Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
    Chinese kite

    Managing Your Mood With Movement"

    Some days you can feel your mood drop. When you can't get outdoors, feel overwhelmed with too many things, or can't focus on any one thing, your upbeat outlook may wane.

    Instead of reaching for a drink or comfort food, move your body. Depending on how you feel and what you need, moving will help release the "happy hormones" that will contribute to saving your sanity as you improve your mood. Try swinging your arms, first in small circles and then in increasingly larger circles. Or, gently move your body by lifting of one foot and then the other, and then reach up to the sky with one arm and then the other.

    Simple movement can help you to manage how you feel.

    Sanity SaversTM TIPS

    Giving Support When a Friend or Partner Does Something "Stupid"
    Consoling couple

    Everyone has done something "stupid" in their life. Most of us, more often than not. Losing the keys, having a wallet stolen, realizing when you are en route to the airport that you don't have your passport, forgetting to print out directions, leaving food outside of the refrigerator each, in its own way, make a person feel awful about the fact that they were not focused, mindful, or paying attention when whatever it was, occurred.

    Whether it is your friend or your partner who made the mistake, you can be confident that they don't feel so great about it. Criticism does not help and will very likely intimidate and hurt their feelings - neither of which will help solve the problem.

    Consider the following tips next time this happens:

    Control Your Response. - You will likely feel frustrated and upset and whatever else you may feel, but that does not give you permission to insult your friend or call them "stupid."

    Respond with Empathy. - You can say something like, "Oh, that's awful" or "I am sure you feel dreadful," "Is there any way I can be helpful?" Be supportive. Show compassion.

    Appreciate that your friend or partner may feel worried, embarrassed, ashamed, and disappointed, among other feelings. Your reproach, attack, or condemnation will only hurt your relationship in the end.

    A Thought

    "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and commentator in the media who appears on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience and focuses on living a balanced life, parenting, aging well, managing stress, life & work transitions, family connections and healthy relationships.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that Works
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day.
  • And her newest book . . .

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • .

    Find out more....
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