In Criticizing Other People's Children, I discuss our role as observers and how our attitudes can enhance or diminish what occurs between a parent and his or her child.
In Raising Children Who Will Be Good Spouses, I ask you to consider the importance of you as a model for raising kind, helpful, open-hearted young people who will be better prepared for their adult relationships.
I invite you to visit my new website,
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Criticizing Other People's Children
Have you ever been in places where there are parents and children? Specifically, in an airport or on an airplane, a doctor's waiting room, at a supermarket check-out counter, in a restaurant? Those settings are ripe for children to be tired, feel confused, cranky, scared, frustrated, and sometimes, they pick up on their parents' feelings of anxiety or fatigue. Either way, the children do what most kids do: they fidget, cry, act out. Kids, unlike adults, often do not have the internal resources to help them when they need them most.
Nobody wants to be the person with the screaming child; it just brings attention and often not the kind you want. Is our goal, as a society, to alienate parents who are doing their best, often under the watchful, scrupulous eye of strangers who know nothing about their circumstance, their life, or their issue of the moment? Why should parents be in a position to feel defensive about their parenting if they have a child who is whining, whimpering or dragging?
How people can be so rude to and about other people's children is something that defies imagination. Not only does it speak to a societal impatience but also, it goes to the heart of judgment and criticism. It is so easy to criticize another person's style of parenting, especially if you do not have children.
Instead of shooting eye daggers to a mom who is clearly overwhelmed, or shrugging your shoulders and exhaling loudly in dramatic exasperation, why not try making eye contact and let this parent know you feel for him or her, and if you are so inclined, engage the child, distract him or her, allow the parent to know you have been there or at least notice and feel for their situation. Just a simple smile and a non-judgmental, "you have your hands full. Can I help?" can make someone feel a little less stressed.
If it takes a village to raise a child, why not become part of that village wherever you are and offer support and understanding? You do not have to agree with the parenting style and unless you see a child being harmed, perhaps you can rise the role of compassionate witness. By appreciating that we are all connected to one another and believing that everyone's children are our children, you may be able to help reduce the stress surrounding this parent and the child.
A Good Daily Habit
Disconnect To Reconnect
You may feel you are going crazy from all the noise in your head when actually it's not in your head but all around you. It's your cell phone, office phone, house phone, and computer all buzzing, ringing, or vibrating at the same time.
Why not shut device off for an hour or so each day? When you do, sit at your desk, or outside on the patio, or in a park and appreciate the silence. You cannot imagine how intrusive all these sounds have become until you allow yourself to experience silence and feel in control of that silence.
Disconnect to Reconnect. It's a beautiful thing. Try it!
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
Tips For Raising Children Who Will Be Good Spouses
It is important for parents to be conscious of how important it is for them to be a model for their children if they want to raise children who will be good spouses. Treat one another (spouse, kids, in-laws, teachers, neighbors, bus drivers, supermarket checkers, etc.) with kindness, respect, and patience.
Children who are kind are less likely to bully or be violent. They learn from their parents. Doing acts of kindness benefits the giver as well as the receiver, and in general, people feel valued when their spouses are kind, supportive, and appreciative of them.
Below I offer a few tips to help parents be mindful of raising children to be good partners.
Household Chores. - Children want, need, and feel good about having responsibilities. Every member of the family contributes by helping to have the family function well so be sure that everyone contributes! Be sure adults are doing their "fair share" in performing chores that have nothing to do with gender, but everything to do with competence, and that they and not grumbling about their work load. If everyone works together to get the house in order, prepare a meal, sort and wash the clothes, pack for a trip, give yourselves a "treat" with a family outing or a game or something fun. Reinforce the value of helping each other.
Respect. - Think about ways in your attitude, behavior, and tone to convey respect, caring, support, and patience. Listen to each other's ideas, points of view, encourage dialogue and opinions that are different from your own. Model how to have a respectful conversation when talking with someone you disagree with. Watch your language (verbal and body) raised eyebrows, shrugging, dismissive interactions, eliminate insulting, demeaning, sarcastic, harsh words such as "stupid", "idiot", "dummy", and racist or biased comments. When children use these words, stop them. Tell them that these words hurt others. Help them find other terms to express themselves.
Expression of Feelings. - Be aware of how you handle feelings and whether you avoid experiencing and or expressing certain feelings you may find uncomfortable. Let children know that having feelings is healthy and we all have them. Learning healthy ways to express feelings is important (for us and for others). When something is clearly wrong, saying "Oh, everything's fine" is unacceptable. Children's "radar" is usually right on and they know when things are NOT "fine". Be honest. Describe clearly, "I have something on my mind and I feel upset (angry, sad, confused, etc.), I need some time to work or think it out." This will serve as a model and help teach them how to do this for themselves.
TODAY Show (NBC).
Dr. Atkins is a frequent contributor.
Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for latest updates, including changes of time.
Dr. Atkins comments on breaking news for CNN's HLN. Please check HLNtv.com for updates.
A.G. Bell 2012 Convention
June 30-July 1: Keynote Speaker, June 30th: 8-10AM;
June 30th: 3-:3:45 pm book signing;
and, Moderator of Panel: Are You Listening to Me?
July 1st: 10-11:30 am: Moderator o fPanel:
Never Surrender Your Dreams.
Westin Kierland Resort, Scottsdale, AZ.
To register or learn more, visit www.agbell.org/Convention.
Volta Voices Cover Story
Connect with Dr. Dale Atkins, written by Susan Boswell. January/February 2012 issue.
Alexander Graham Bell Association for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing.
TC Today Magazine
Dr. Atkins is the focus of Work - Life Balance, written by James Reisler in the December, 2011 issue. A PDF of the article is available on www.drdaleatkins.com.
Topics by Dr. Dale Atkins:
Tips for Getting Along with In-Laws: http://video.about.com/marriage/Tips-for-Getting-Along-With-In-Laws.htm;
Warning Signs of a Troubled Marriage: http://video.about.com/marriage/Warning-Signs-of-a-Troubled-Marriage.htm;
Issues to Deal with before Marriage: http://video.about.com/marriage/Types-of-Issues-to-Deal-With-Before-Getting-Married.htm;
Warning Signs of Cheating Spouse: http://video.about.com/marriage/Warning-Signs-of-Cheating-Spouses.htm;
Tips for Maintaining Interfaith Marriages: http://video.about.com/marriage/Tips-for-Maintaining-Interfaith-Marriages.htm;
Tips for Growing Old Together:
and, Most Important Questions to Ask Before Getting Married: http://video.about.com/marriage/Most-Important-Questions-to-Ask-Before-Getting-Married.htm.
Visit Marlo Thomas' site to access my relationship column and Mondays with Marlo video stream. http://marlothomas.aol.com/search/?q=dale+atkins
Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Therapeutic
Issues with Recipients of Cochlear Implants,"
in the new text, Psychotherapy With Deaf
Clients From Diverse Groups, Second Edition.
Edited by Irene Leigh, and published by
Gallaudet University Press.
Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Family
Involvement and Counseling in Serving
Children Who Possess Impaired Hearing,"
in the new text, Introduction
to Aural Rehabilitation.
Edited by Raymond H. Hull, and published by
I invite you to visit my website to access archives of articles and interviews on line.
My sincere thanks to website developer, Barry Brothers, who, along with Carina Ramirez Cahan, brought vision and positive, creative energy to the site. Do take a look at Barry's work here: http://www.thelimulusgroup.com/bb and consider him for your business, development, design and communication needs.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is filled
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Once again thank you for continuing to read
and talk about Sanity Savers: Tips for
Women to Live a Balanced Life.
WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY
CRISIS IN THIS
COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national early education nonprofit organization that pairs well-trained, caring adults with underserved preschoolers who live in poverty in year long mentoring relationships. I was honored to be Jumpstart's Read for the Record's National Spokesperson on NBC's Today Show this past Fall and to have moderated a panel of Jumpstart's founders on February 22nd at the Yale Club in NYC. Jumpstart's Scribbles to Novels www.jstart.org/scribblesnyc, event took place on May 8th at Cipriani Wall Street. We were joined by Wes Moore, Tina Fey (who was interviewed by Gayle King) and other acclaimed and entertaining authors who celebrate the written word and support Jumpstart's programming in the tri-state area and around the country.
Please help to spread the word about the mission of Jumpstart and the remarkable strides being made in low income neighborhoods every day. Please, if you can, contribute by clicking on www.jstart.org/donate
www.jstart.org/donate. There is something that every single one of us can do to help those less fortunate. Over one million children live below the poverty level in the U.S. This shameful situation must change. Each of us has a responsibility to repair our world. Let us eliminate the 2-year achievement gap that exists between children from low income and those from middle income neighborhoods when they begin kindergarten!
to learn more about Jumpstart
initiatives - such as Scribbles to
Novels; Playdate With A
Purpose; and Read for the Record.
"Don't try to make me grow up before my time."
Louisa May Alcott
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works