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When Nobody Is Good Enough
by Dr. Dale V. Atkins, February 2011

"Nobody is good enough." Whether you say these words or just think them, the feeling that often accompanies that thought is loneliness. When you criticize everyone, keep score of their "transgressions," and are unwilling to forgive people in your life (especially when they do things that most people do from time to time), you may find yourself feeling lonely, isolated, angry, disappointed, and without friends. You need to consider what it is you are "putting out there."

Reaching out to people, being interested in their lives and what is important to them along with sending a message that you will meet them at least half way sends a message that you are open. Think about whether you may not be willing to forgive people because you have not forgiven yourself for something specific or, in general, for not being perfect. Perhaps you are afraid or assume that people in your life will dismiss or judge you for no longer being what or who you "used to be" either because you hold a different professional position, suffered financial reversals, your marital status has changed, your child is in trouble, or you became ill. Believing you will not be accepted is often a reflection of your not accepting yourself and the changes that you experienced. When this occurs, it can confuse others and contribute to making yourself feel diminished.

If you feel this way, it is difficult to focus on the positive things and people in your life. If you refuse to pay attention to the good things you have in your life, insisting on focusing on that which is not going well, the world will begin to take on the dark and distant hue of a very unwelcoming place. What I am talking about is more than optimism. It is about looking inside, taking time to examine where these feelings of insecurity come from, and how and why you lash out to or blame others for your unhappiness. In fact, you may be punishing yourself by pushing away those people who are close to you and whose desire is to include you in their lives and help to make your life easier.

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